We’re different.
Why don’t they understand?
They don’t understand because we’re different. And trying to really get to why they don’t understand, is where we usually start in couples counseling.
Couples Counseling Can Help.
Beyond the obvious, there are real, hard-wired differences between us.
We see things and often DO things differently, sometimes for really good reasons. I see it all the time in my office. And if you’re considering couples counseling, these differences probably hurt. Some of these differences are biological.
For one thing, men process better in the left hemisphere of the brain while women tend to process equally well between the two hemispheres. This difference may explain why men are more problem solving and task oriented (a left-brain activity) while women often solve problems more creatively and with more awareness of the emotions involved (left and right brain process).
Also, the two sections in the brain responsible for language are much larger in women than in men. Anyone who witnesses a stereo-typical argument between different genders sees proof of this. The female often wants to talk it out… sometimes over and over! The guy, usually not so much!
And then there are experiences in our relationships (current and/or previous) that have been less than ideal. Experiences where we are hurt or scared. Times we’ve felt rejected, or like we had to hide parts of ourselves. These experiences can show up in what we do. In how we react or respond to our partner. And how they react or respond to us.
These differences can create a bunch of problems and conflict in a relationship or a marriage. If you’re struggling in a relationship, you feel this. Right?!
Problems that couples counseling can help. Especially if you don’t know how to navigate them. Couples often get caught up into predictable repetitive conflicts and sometimes don’t know how to get out. But I’ve found that with the right tools, couples learn how to understand each other in new ways.
Marriage Counseling Can Create Connections.
Couples can learn how to resolve conflict and get close in WAYS THAT WORK. They can learn how to repair the damage and create the love they really want and need.
If you’re struggling with your partner right now, you probably feel pretty bad. But you don’t have to stay there. Really. There are proven ways to change the negative dance and create a lasting love.
Emotionally Focused Therapy
is the Evidenced Based Couple’s Therapy out there.
The couples counseling intervention I use with couples, is based in science. It’s called Emotionally Focused Therapy. Arguably the most extant, effective, empirically validated therapy for couples out there, is EFT. That’s not just my opinion. It’s what the science shows. Emotionally Focused Therapy is the most evidence based based treatment for couples. And that’s why I have advanced training in it. And that’s why I use it with couples. For details about Emotionally Focused Therapy, you can check out my science page.
Couples can learn critical ways to identify and change these differences. They can create new ways of being together and find deep love, sometimes for the first time. They create the attachment and bonds that all humans want.
You Really Can Create the Love You Want.
If you’re feeling bad about your relationship, this linked video may not be too funny. But if you’re up for some comic relief, this guy is really engaging. Here’s the link again.
And if you’re interested in marriage counseling, you can contact me directly. You don’t have to settle for an unhappy marriage. There are ways to make things better, much better!